Through my eyes at the age of six........
I remember my Mommy making cinnamon and sugar toast for me. One morning she dropped the jar of cinnamon and sugar on her foot. She was in a lot of pain. She and Daddy talked quietly together, and then they told me that Mommy had cancer. I knew it was because of the jar that fell on her foot.
I remember visiting my grandparents. They lived in a small town. Mommy and I went to the grocery store with Grandma. I had a fun idea. I asked Mommy if she would pretend to be blind and let me lead her through the store with her eyes closed. She agreed. (Mommy was always up for any kind of fun) Grandma and Mommy had a little fight in one of the isles because Grandma did not like our game. I heard Mommy say that one day I may have to lead her through a store some day and Grandma didn't say anything else. I think she was sad.
I remember going to visit Mommy in the hospital in my Grandparents Cadillac. The backseat was huge! I remember being told to 'act like little ladies.' My cousin and my little sister and I would fold our hands and cross our legs whenever we heard that. It was a fun game.
I remember that hospitals had lots of rules. One rule said that my sister and I were too young to go in and see Mommy.
I remember my Grandpa building a deck outside the back door of our kitchen. It was made of redwood and it was beautiful. It was a gift for Mommy so that she could go outside in her wheelchair.
I remember Mommy in her wheelchair. We went to a wedding of a very special friend of hers. When everyone stood as Mommy's friend came down the isle, Mommy stood too. People were really surprised. But, she'd been practicing. This was her special gift to the bride.
I remember getting a hospital bed at our house! We put it in the living room. My bedroom was on the other side of the wall. Mommy and I made a secret code of knocks so that we could communicate when I was in bed.
I remember a lady from church wanting to give Mommy a break. She wanted to take my sister and I home with her to play with her granddaughter. Mommy left it up to us whether we wanted to go or not. This lady seemed really frustrated. She wanted Mommy to tell us to go with her but she wouldn't. Well, why would we want to leave Mommy anyway. We stayed.
I remember going to church without Mommy. It was OK though, because after the service the whole church came to our house. They brought the communion which meant a lot to Mommy and they all watched her take it and sang. It was really crowded at our house then. People filled up every room.
I remember being allowed to go to see her in the hospital once. People took pictures of my sister and I with her and of us with her and Daddy. She looked different. Her face was swollen and she was wearing her wig.
I remember the day that was her funeral. Everyone we knew was going to be there. Daddy said that it would make people sad to us my sister and I there and so he asked us to stay with my Grandma's neighbor and friend. It was pretty boring but she was kind to us.
I remember the day after the funeral. Daddy took us to Disneyland. I don't remember if we had fun or not. That night, as we stayed over at my grandparents house we heard the TV say that Elvis was dead. I said something about a lot of people dying lately. We were already sad and it had nothing to do with Elvis.
I remember lots of TV dinners and that they didn't taste very good.
I remember my Grandma babysitting us everyday so that Daddy could go to work. She came over really early in the morning while I was watching Captain Kangaroo. She made us pancakes everyday. When they were ready she would sing a hymn from church: "All things are ready come to the feast. Come for the table now is spread. Come feast upon the love of God and thou shalt be richly blessed..."
I remember being in bed at night and pretending that Mommy hadn't really died. I pretended that she had just left us and gone to live somewhere else. That would have been sad if it was true but somehow that was not as sad as knowing that she was dead and not ever coming back. It eased the pain in my heart a little tiny bit when I pretended.
I remember Daddy crying a lot. He seemed to get even more sad if I talked about Mommy. So, I didn't do that too much. He was sad enough.
I remember praying to God and telling Him how much I missed my Mommy. I prayed to Him every night. I imagined that prayer was like talking on the telephone with someone. So, first I'd talk to God and then I'd ask Him to let me talk to Mommy. Once I'd ask that, then she could hear that part of my prayer. I thought that telling her things would help but it didn't really work. Talking to Him is what really made me feel better! So, my talks with Mommy became shorter and fewer and my talks with God became longer and longer. I've been talking to Him every since.
"You have been a strength to the needy in his distress." Is. 25:4
"For He Himself has said I will never leave you nor forsake you." Heb.13:5
"Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Is. 41:10