"Your greatest contribution to the Kingdom of God may not be something you do, but someone you raise." ~Andy Stanley

April 17, 2007

His faithfulness and my faith crisis continued....

To understand this story, read this one first or it won't make any sense. : )
Scriptures are from Psalm 1116

As I struggled to be up and about and able to go to the hospital to join my newborn son, I told God that He and I were going to have this out later. Until that time, I let Him know that I wouldn't be doing anymore praying. (this isn't something I recommend!) ; )
Much to my frustration, I wasn't even able to keep my new resolve for very long! Without even thinking, I was praying: "Thank you God for E's coming over to help."
"Please, help me to get to the hospital in time to start nursing Andrew."
"Thank you that Andrew is alive." And, "Oh yeah, I'm not talking to You, never mind."
Then I would stop myself and try again not pray. And on and on it went.
"Thank you God that every test in the book, shows that Andrew is healthy!"

"(He) will walk before the Lord in the land of the living." Hallelujah!

That evening in the hospital room alone with my little guy, who wasn't so little, (the nurses were in awe!)
I told the Lord that I was ready to have it out with Him. (immature I know, but I was hurting) I got down on my knees and poured out all my hurts to Him. I felt betrayed somehow and I accused Him of not answering any of my prayers. I said that if He was really real then He needed to show me so right then! Otherwise, I was going to be done with serving Him. (despite the fact that I couldn't keep from talking to Him for 15 min!) : )

"Gracious is the Lord and righteous, yes our God is merciful." (Don't I know it!)

At that moment, such a peace came into that hospital room. It was so remarkable, so powerful that it was absolutely undeniable!!! And it was just what I needed....
And I surrendered my life again to Him and to His will and wept....

"What shall I render to the Lord for all His benefits toward me? I will take up the cup of salvation and call upon the name of the Lord..."

"Oh Lord, truly I am your servant. You have loosed my bonds."

"I love the Lord because He has heard my voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live."

Yes, I will.


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