"Your greatest contribution to the Kingdom of God may not be something you do, but someone you raise." ~Andy Stanley

July 22, 2008

Fishy tales

If you read this,
then you will know why every Father's day includes at least a few...

I think I am the only person who's been cheap enough to ask when the pet store is having their next fish sale. Seriously, they acted like no one had ever asked that before!

I've met all kinds of salespeople in the fish department. One memorable one let me have it, so to speak. I don't remember what I said but it must have sounded like I took the life of a little fish for granted or was an inept owner of $2.00 fish, because he gave me the 'what for' with his passion for fish.

This latest salesman in the fish department seemed to be the exact opposite of that guy.

Joy and I were both about shuddering for the life of our future fish as this young man:
~jammed his net in the tank,
~trapped some fish on the bottom of it,
~pulled the net up,
~grabbed them each BY HAND and put them in a bag none too gently.

We were pretty sure they were on their way to meet their Maker after that and I brought up the return policy! LOL
In fact the salesman was thinking the same thing, I could tell. And he assured me that I could always return them.

Well.... I know now a thing or two about how that returning of the dead fish program works and I've never been able to pull it off just right.

One time I brought the receipt in, but had no dead body to prove it and they didn't believe me. Another time, I brought in a dead fish and no receipt to which they they implied that I couldn't prove I bought it from them. So, this time I was totally determined to do it right and have a dead fish and a receipt, if these suckers bit the dust. : ) (hey, one was a sucker fish, so that could actually be considered a pun! -or not. I am the only one who laughs at my jokes at my house, I assure you.)

I didn't actually have long to wait for that to happen. One went belly up while I was standing right there!
And THAT is when this sweet young man whispered to Joy and I that he was "new here."

Right then his fish catching skills totally started to make sense! : )
Joy and I realized we were probably making this guy nervous so we stayed away as he tried to catch us a replacement.

While standing at the register to pay, I started examining my fish and I was sure another one was dying and Joy assured me that we just needed to leave the store anyway.
She's so smart.
She realized long before I did that if he kept catching us fish they weren't going to stay alive long anyway and we'd be caught in an endless cycle of live/dead fish... and that would probably seem like something close to a nightmare for a little girl who was sure we'd been at the pet store FOREVER already.

So I left with one that was a goner by the time I got home.

When we arrived, he went right into a Ziploc bag with the receipt stapled to it! Woo-hoo.
-Now, I wasn't going to spend $4.00 in gas to take back a $2.00 fish, but I thought I was sure to be in that neighborhood again in the next week or two for my 14 day guarantee!

Then a week later our new sucker fish died and I remembered my little dead carcass that I still needed to take back. I realized that it was day 13, so I got out my net to scoop up his dead body and the worst thing happened! It decomposed when I touched it with the net!
But here I was, determined to have the receipt and the dead fish this time so, I set out to try and catch the flakes of his remains with the net. LOL Which didn't really go so well.

'The new guy' was on duty at the pet store so I tried to avoid him so I could make it home with some LIVE fish. What a concept!
This other salesman must have been related to the one I mentioned at the beginning of this post ; )
because he "oohed" and "ahh-ed" over my bags of dead fish as if we were discussing newborn babies! And before he could say "Excuse me Ma'am but this Ziploc bag is empty" I told him that it actually wasn't empty and that it held the flaky decomposed remains of my sucker fish. To which he "ahhh'ed" some more.
He actually believed me so I guess I don't look like someone who would lie about dead fish.
And I left with about $8.00 in new fish that were actually still alive when I got home.
I told the kids they better keep living or these salesmen are going to think that
"something fishy is going on with this lady." ~To which they groaned!

Since then, we've had some more die... But I give up! : )
As long as there is at least a few things swimming in that 30 gallons, I'm good.


Jamie said...

I thought your crew smelled funny . . . LOL!! Funny post!!

The Butterfly Catcher said...

This is too funny!! I've always told people that I've only had success keepin kids alive, but not plants or animals!!! That's gotta count for something